While I applaud the ideas expressed, as poetry this needs work. It feels like a poem that's been translated from a different language.

Did you write this in another language first? I know you are multilingual so that was my first thought.

It's social critique and there is a history of that type of poetry. Generally it tries for humor, simplicity, and brevity. You want it to be "infectious" a virus of the mind that will stick in someone's head.

I see elements of that here but it needs work. In English it's clunky.