So, I have been thinking about your poetry and I had some thoughts. This poem clarified them for me.

Firstly, the good stuff.

Because I believe in starting with praise, not criticism.

You have the passion for poetry. That's critical. If you don't have the desire to express yourself in this way your poems will always read like a class assignment. It's clear from your poems that you have something you want to get out.

Your passion shines through. The poem about your mother was intensely emotionally loaded. A barely contained howl of hurt and anger.

Now, the observations.

Reading this piece I was struck by it's awkwardness. It's good. The acrostic is a delightful conceit. Who does that anymore? Very witty and sophisticated in concept.

You struggled with the execution and it shows. More than just with the constraints of the form. It's clear in places that you were trying to "riff" on the form and step out of it. Like you wanted to transcend it.

You don't seem comfortable with it.

Now, I understand this is a super weird form to work with. But I see traces of this in your other poem as well. You used rhyming couplets as your vehicle but then had moments of awkwardness with them.

So I ask you, "What's your favorite poem?"

Can you recite it from memory?

Here's one of my earliest favorites, I memorized it when I was 11.

So, we'll go no more a roving

So late into the night,

Though the heart be still as loving,

And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,

And the soul wears out the breast,

And the heart must pause to breathe,

And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,

And the day returns too soon,

Yet we'll go no more a roving

By the light of the moon.

--Byron

I read it in Ray Bradbury's book "The Martian Chronicles". I was so taken I have never forgotten it.

There are others, I learned this one while I was in the Navy.

These in the day of Heavens falling,

the hour when Earth's foundations fled.

Followed their mercenary calling,

and took their wages and are dead.

Their shoulders held the sky suspended,

They stood, and Earth's foundations stayed.

What G-d abandoned they defended.

And saved the sum of things for pay.

AE Houseman

What's your favorite poem and why?

Think about what you like about it. What makes it successful for you. Deconstruct it. Not for meaning but for style and technique.

Then ask yourself, what style do I want to write in?

Right now, it feels like you are trying styles but are still not comfortable in any of them. You seem to chafe at the constraints of the various forms.

You try to riff and use the styles as a base but you don't have the experience and mastery for that. It comes off as muddled and awkward.

You need to remember that you have to crawl before you can run.

It's fun to try writing in a lot of styles but improvement requires mastery. Pick a style and master it. Then you can riff, then you can break rules, then you can stretch the style to suit you. Instead of trying to squeeze yourself into a style like a too tight dress.

I like Zen haiku poetry myself.

A Woman's Sex:

It has the original mouth but remains wordless;

It is surrounded by a magnificent mound of hair.

Sentient beings can get completely lost in it

But it is also the birthplace of all the Buddhas of the ten thousand worlds.

Ikkyu-

But I wrote this recently for someone here on Medium.

For Carol, who asked for something silly.

But do you gyre and gimble in the wabe?

Are mimsy borogoves your fave?

“Perhaps a slithy tove?” you say.

With bryllyg sauce they are ok.

“Oh would you, could you”, cried the fox.

I’m tired of mome raths served with lox.

The Tumtum tree is very pretty,

and the Tumtum flower is sweet

But it’s fruit is very uffish,

and impossible to eat.

So Carol came galumphing,

her vorpal blade ablazing.

In search of heffalumps,

with which to play.

But as the players took to the field,

the marching woozles refused to yield.

Do you recalled what was revealed

the day the Jabberwock died?

RC (2021)

Totally silly right? But I know how to use the form and work with it.

You need to master the forms. You need to be writing poems in different forms, until you can write a decent poem in any form.

Then you can pick a form that works for the topic you want to work with. Make the form suit the topic instead of trying to squeeze a topic into a form.

Again, I really like haiku. It's spare and elegant. Every word has to count so it encourages you to really think about the words you are using, not just if they rhyme. It also reduces the scope you are working with down to just one thing.

One moment in time, one moment of feeling, one moment of joy, one moment of unbearable sadness. You only have to deal with that one thing.

And you have only 3 lines to do it in.

Haiku will make you think like a poet.

But that's just me. You should find a form that speaks to you and master it. Which is why I asked about your favorite poem. Or even just the.poems you have memorized and know by heart.

Write in those styles. You like them, so write in them.

Lastly, do you read your poems out loud to yourself?

If you don't you should. Poetry is meant to be recited. It wants to be spoken out loud. You will be amazed at how different things sound "out loud" instead of just in your head.

That first poem I mentioned, Joan Baez also sang it as a song. That song can still bring me to tears. After all these years it can still reach into my heart and make me feel.

Read your poems out loud, even if it's only to yourself. Chant them, sing them, stand on a hill and shout them to the wind. It will make you a better poet.

You have the heart and you have the raw talent. You need more experience. Read more poetry! Write a poem every day!

You could be great and a good poem is forever. We still talk about that Homer guy's stuff and look how old that shit is. ;-)

I hope this was helpful and not hurtful.