Random Thoughts — 02

Imagine there’s no Heaven

I do not dream.

Or, if I do, I almost never remember them.

I am not haunted by my past. Of the sexual molestation I suffered at my father’s hands. Of watching my best friend drown in a flood swollen river that we fell into when I was eight. Of falling in a climbing accident as a teenager and being in a coma for a week. None of that haunts me.

I do not have PTSD symptoms although I have killed in close combat. I do not remember their faces and I have no regrets over their deaths. In both cases they were trying to kill me and in one case he almost succeeded. I have scars that are testament to his skill and determination.

But that was long ago, in a far away land and I do not think of it often. It is in the past and I have never dreamed of it. Not even once.

I do not dream.

Yet when my wife was in the hospital, in the ICU, her life hanging by a thread, I dreamed. When I finally slept after 60 hours of wakefulness, 60 hours of sitting next to her waiting for her condition to stabilize. I dreamed.

In the dream it is night, but the sky is a pale green. The moon is full, and the Milky Way (the white road) is high in the sky. The land is empty and covered in black stones.